A while

It's been a while now.
How are you?
Are you doing good?
or bad?

Take me

Take me back to where I belong.
A place where I used to stay.
A place that I used to live.
Just take me back , please.

Pull my soul , pull it hard.
I don't care , as long as I can go back to where I belong.

Black and cold heart

Do you know how I fucking felt every fucking day?

Do you? I'm pretty sure everyone doesn't because they don't fucking care.

My life haven't got any better since. I've been into A LOT OF SHITS.

SHIT I FUCKING TELL YOU. A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.


Ain't that happy a happy intro , doesn't it? Well I hope you're wrong because it fucking doesn't.

LIFE haven't got any better since.

Yeah I got money , house stuff and shit whatever , but fuck , why don't you put your feet into my shoes and then tell me how fucking fun it is.

Its FUCKING NOT.


Did you know how I feel for a couple of years now? Did you know? Do you know how much I'm trying to FUCKING FIX MYSELF UP?

No , you don't fucking know. You don't really fucking know.



Everyday , I wish , I pray that someday I will become a fucking better person. A whole fucking better person.

But why? Yeah , why don't you fucking tell me.

It's simple , it's for everyone. What ? You don't understand? Are you fucking dumb?

It's straight and simple , it's for everyone.

IT'S FOR EVERYONE SO THAT ANYONE OR EVERYONE THAT AROUND ME CAN HAVE A GOOD SIDE OF ME . THEY DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANOTHER ASSHOLE.

But no, things doesn't fucking goes as what I though.

People are cruel , they all are fucking cruel.

I've been stabbed.
I've been used.
I've seen as a fucking joke.


They don't fucking appreciated what you've done. THEY JUST FUCKING LEAVE  YOU IN THE END.

LEAVE I FUCKING TELL YOU. LEAVE.

THEY JUST LEFT ME. WITHOUT A SINGLE WORD . WITHOUT A FUCKING REASON.



Some of them try as if they care about me. As if THEY WANT TO BE FRIEND WITH ME.

No , they don't. They fucking don't. You think I'm blind? You really think I'm fucking blind?

I've both eyes and fucking experiences. People have done a lot to me. A LOT.

I can't be easily fooled now. I've learnt that..


People are temporary , they will never stick to me until the end.
NO MATTER WHAT I DID.
NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRIED.
NO MATTER HOW MUCH I FUCKING SACRIFICED.
MONEY , TIME , ENERGY , ALL WASTED TO THOSE SYAITAN.

SYAITAN WITH HUMAN FACE.

FUCK ALL OF YOU. FUCK YOU. JUST FUCK YOU.

THANKS A LOT OF USING ME.

THANKS FUCKING A LOT FOR USING ME UNTIL YOU MANAGE TO STAND UP ON YOUR OWN FUCKING FEET.

UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE BETTER.

UNTIL YOU CAN LIVE WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING LIFE AGAIN.

 YOU JUST LEFT ME.

LEFT ME WITHOUT TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG.

LEFT ME FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

FUCK YOU.

I SAID IT AGAIN , FUCK YOU , FUCK THE LOTS OF YOU.








Don't ever ask me why I'm cold to you. Don't ever ask me why.

Ever though on asking yourself? I bet you don't because you're too fucking busy with your fucking life doesn't it?

Oh , look at you , happy without me. GO AHEAD . GO FUCKING AHEAD.

I'VE DONE TONS OF SHIT SO THAT WE CAN BE CLOSER.

BUT NO , YOU'RE TOO DUMB TO FUCKING REALIZE IT DON'T YOU?

You sick fucking cunt.








"Oh , he's a nice guy , let take the advantages to use his money on me"

I'm pretty fucking sure that this is what you though of me when you fucking meet me.
You know that I'm willing to use my money on you , so you used me.

Great fucking job. You're lucky because I was dumb and naive at that time.

YES.

I WAS FUCKING DUMB AND NAIVE. I'M LIKE THE DUMBEST PERSON EVER.

I'M A FUCKING LOOSER.

AND YOU GUYS FUCKING USED ME. YOU SAW MY WEAKNESSES , AND YOU TOOK THE ADVANTAGES . FUCK YOU.













THANKS TO ALL OF YOU , FROM NOW ON , I HAVE FUCKING TRUST ISSUE.

A REAL FUCKING TRUST ISSUE.

I DON'T TRUST ANYONE , WHETHER THEY ARE SOMEONE THAT IS NEW , OR SOMEONE THAT I ALREADY KNEW.

I WILL NEVER TRUST THEM. I WILL NEVER SEE THEM AS PERMANENT.




EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY. THEY WON'T LAST LONG. ANYTIME FROM NOW , ONE OF THEM WILL DO THE SAME LIKE THE OTHERS.

THEY FUCKING WILL.

I've no support.

I built my own road.

When things broke , I fixed it by myself

I don't depend myself on another person like I used to.

Not anymore.

And I will never will.

I'll make my own way.

I'll make my own trophy.

I'll push myself to my own victory.

And once I reach there ,

I will forget everyone.

Everyone.

Even the closest one.

I'll be cold as fuck.

I've been into a lot of pain.

I've been hurt so much.

I don't trust people anymore.

I will and try to get my revenge.

I fucking will.

Another Side

On the other hand ,  there's a guy constantly trying to build his road so he can walk to where he want.

He constantly built a ladder to climb his way up to victory.

He tried to clear his path , over and over again so that he could walk  down the road like everybody else.

He even built his own life support so he can breath.
He tried everything with all he have , without the help of the others.
He tried to crack his life , he tried to find the best possible way to get there.
He tried....


Living as a lone wolf , life is hard.

Dark

What once to be red and warm.

Cares every possible thing it can.

But now , it's dark and cold.

Write , write , write , right....

Whenever I get bored , I started to write some of the very un-acceptable by normal human's mind.

"Hei."

"Yes, how may I help you?"

"Yo mama so fat , when she fell down , the whole world extinct instantly"

"U poet iz butiful. I cri evrytiem."

What the fuck..

Special

Never in my life I feel special to anyone or anybody.
Even if I did something 'special' to them.
Just none of them.

It hurts me a lot.

Worthless

No matter what I do.
No matter what I did.
No matter how nice I am.
No matter how much I sacrifice.
No matter how truth I am.
No matter how honest I am.

I'm will be always seen as "the other person".

Alive

Yes , im still fucking alive

Shocked.
My eyes are open wide.
I can't believe it.
I still can't accept it.
Might as well abuse my self later.

Dream

I laid my head on her shoulder.
And held her hand.

Hatred

I'm starting to hate them.
Like really fucking hate them.

I can't never understand them.

I don't know why.

But I really fucking hate them.

There's only two type of human in this world.

And I hate the other type.

Nothing else

Nobody gonna notice,

realize,

or even care.

Just no one.

Out of the comfort zone

It's okay to go out of your comfort zone once in a while.
Try a new stuff.
Take a challenge.
Learn something.

Mehhh..

Maybe

Maybe I'm not smart enough.
Maybe I'm not good enough.
Maybe I'm not always there when she need one.
Maybe I'm too far.
Maybe I'm too annoying.

Unlike him.

Unpredictable

People come and go,
there's nothing you can do about it.

Most of them did , but only some of them stay with you until the end.

A shattered "stuff"

They tend to forgot about you in the end.
They only find you when they have nobody else to be with.
They din't treat you the way you treat them.
They will never understand your effort.

An effort for you to get close to them.
An effort for you to spent time with them.

A friend that you might though will be your best friend.
A love one that you might though will be your love one.

A bullet

Put a bullet inside it.
Spin it.
Point the gun at your head.
Pull it.
If you survive ,
repeat the whole step,
until you die.