More than just a friend

"Yeah I know but I know you longer ermm... I mean I know him longer but I know more about you than him."

Overhaul my life

I actually don't know what to say.

It's been a roller coaster week.

I was at my lowest peak and my highest peak ,  mentally.

I was afraid. I was frightened. I was sad. I was happy. I was jealous. I was envy. I was a bad person. I was a good person. I was shy. I was not shy... .. 

...every single characters of me , happened in a week.

It was really tiring for me , having to constantly changing to different character over and over again.

Soon I realised that , I've seen a perspective from each of my characters in a short amount of time.

I could see the strengths and weaknesses of each characters.

I now know that how bad a person I'm recently, compared to who I'm five or six years before.



A boost of ego to protect myself, end up not accepting any new people to be part of my life.

Being more extrovert to prove myself , leaving the kindness of "introvertness".

Doing something for my own satisfaction without hurting/affecting other people, abandoning ethics all together.

Using hatred to learn from the past, end up being depressed every weeks....




I've soon realized of how horrible I'm. It just so horrible... I'm sorry...






Something happened. A feeling that was like no others. A feeling that was long forgotten.

A soft , peace , and warm feeling...... love...

A heart was once hard, was softened.

A heart was once dull and black , was brightened.

There's no better word to explain this feeling....

The feeling that makes my heart soft enough to actually make me cry.

I knew that I can't cry no matter what but.. how? How? How can I cry? Crying is pretty much impossible at this point but... how?

How did she make me fell in love again?

An affection that is strong enough to kill the other side of me.

An affection that is strong enough to make me change myself to be a better person.





This is a chance for me. This is a chance for me to improve myself. To make my self a better person.

This is a chance for me to complete overhaul my life.

and... to go back to my old self , the innocent cunt...







My heart is still soft up to this point...... The strong affection from a single person..

Whenever I see her, it remind me of a feeling...

A feeling which is almost the same as being home....

My mind was cleared, leaving a room for warm and peace.

It's been a while since this happened.....

and today it happened again...


Thank you for everything. And thank you for the warm feeling.





I love you.



End.

8:48 PM , 25 October 2017.